I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's blow job season.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
