Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
