Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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