the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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