you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
