His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
