Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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