tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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