I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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