I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
