Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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