I look better un-naked...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i drank out of a bidet.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
