I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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