your thong is hanging out like whoa
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
