Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You dont lie about slip and slides
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
