he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize