Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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