I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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