sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
