First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
