Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
