i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
