just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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