That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
