Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
