So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize