I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize