beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
