sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
