I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
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i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
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Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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