It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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