True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She's like a pop up book from hell.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
