sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm at about main and main street
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
