69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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