Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
