Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
where does the pee come out of this thing
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
