Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
