Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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