His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
