Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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