you guys were way drunker than both of me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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