Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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