Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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