I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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