Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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