I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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