we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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