we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
