Four minutes until I can fart!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
