I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
