So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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