Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize