I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
