I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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