She just used a chaser for red wine.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
