Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
