Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Enjoy the penises
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
