he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
