I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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