everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am naked and annoyed.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
