I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
