home. puking in laundry basket.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
