I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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