At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
