woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize