I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
