There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
try to milk me bitch
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
