i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
