one two three fourrrrnication!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
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I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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