Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
