i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
