I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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