we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
