Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
