I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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