I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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