Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
