He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
