I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
