I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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