fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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